Today is Sunday, February 05, 2012
After weeks of diligently beating back unsubstantiated rumors of government run “death panels” which would dictate the fates of the elderly, President Barack Obama today signaled that he is now open to the idea.
Speaking to an AP reporter after a particularly…
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Las Vegas, NV – Not everything that happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Often, the evidence of a no-holds-barred, wild Vegas night is birthed into the world some nine months later. A growing number of these children are now being named after…
Providence, RI – Each of successful lawyer Ron Griswold’s moves during the past decade have bizarrely mirrored the rhetoric of our two prospective presidential candidates. Having started his East Coast life on Wall St. and then moved to Main St., Griswold’s recent…
Orange, CA — Local man Evan Wildes became the proud owner of a total gym three months ago. Wildes saw the 400-pound “all-in-one fitness center” on a late night infomercial and immediately called to order. Gymtrex 3000 functions as a treadmill, bench…
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Belmont, GA – Faithful Financial, a non-profit Christian Credit Counseling Service, came under fire (and brimstone?) this week for allegedly giving poor financial advice to people whose lifestyles they disapprove of.
Protesters camping out in the field across from the Faithful Financial…
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Everywhere, U.S.A. – Twenty years ago our cultural consciences imploded over the fact that America’s divorce rate had risen to over fifty percent. More than half of all marriages were ending in divorce, five out of ten gravy boats shattering like broken…
Sacramento, CA – Say what you will, Sir Mick is at the top of his game and the 65-year-old rock icon proved it yesterday by shoving 43 extra-puff marshmallows into his mouth at once: more than any other human on the planet.…
Mountainview, CA – As with rubbing two sticks together to make a fire, the days of scraping flint are long gone. So are, for that matter, lighter fluid and matches. The next time you go camping, all you’re going to need is…
Cleveland, OH – The very best scientists that science has to offer, or at least the ones with the cleanest lab coats, have been hard at work lately digging up the answers to a Nonsense News reader’s question. Adam McCharles, of Montpelier,…
Santiago, Chile – A throng of snowboarders train their polarized, orange goggles on the sky. A tiny figure slowly materializes out of the dark cloud bank, drifting underneath a giant kite. As he descends closer, his black and white pop-art snowsuit creating…
Cape Town, South Africa – In a world saturated by images of polar bears adrift lonely icebergs, it seems rare to have a day of celebrating in the environmental community. But yesterday, animal rights activists and earth-huggers everywhere cheered at news that…
NEW YORK, NY – In a tragic episode of miscommunication, local tourist Arthur Marmoset wandered onto the stock trading floor of NASDAQ while on vacation in New York and received what he described as “[very awful] directions.”
Marmoset, 43, is a…
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