Today is Thursday, September 09, 2010
After weeks of diligently beating back unsubstantiated rumors of government run “death panels” which would dictate the fates of the elderly, President Barack Obama today signaled that he is now open to the idea.
Speaking to an AP reporter after a particularly…
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Monterey, CA — Octavio is not your average octopus. This eight-limbed cephalopod has proven the veracity of the idiom “smart as an octopus” once again. The creature, an inhabitant of the Monterey Pier Ocean Center, has taught himself how to read and…
Washington, D.C. – In the wake of a historic presidential election, many do not know what to do with their surplus of political energy. These past months (and for some, even years), have cultivated a large caring-about-politics that was previously just an…
Stockton, CA — Local woman Melanie Jones had been standing on the corner of Smith and Main in downtown Stockton for three days now, barely breaking to eat, sleep and relieve herself. “I feel very strongly about this,” proclaims Jones, as if…
New York, NY – It’s hard to escape the economy these days. Once relegated to nerdy bean counters, and unattractive Wall Street broke-vest-work-iters, now it is virtually everywhere and spreading like herpes in a nursing home. It seems that suddenly the real…
Dallas, TX—The classrooms at St. Mary’s Elementary are empty. Tiny plastic chairs are uninhabited. The chalkboard is dark. On the playground, swingsets creak erily in the wind. Towards the handball court, one ball rolls slowly along – a scholastic tumbleweed in this…
It is a tried and true trick to call in sick on days when you just don’t want to deal office drudgery or can’t stand to look at your cubicle wall for another hour that week. Not any more my fellow Americans,…
Los Angeles, CA — Marlene Derek is visibly shocked. She sips her Starbucks while half-heartedly checking her blackberry. Derek was happily married for two years when her husband, Michael Derek dropped the bombshell that he wanted a divorce, sending shrapnel into Marlene’s…
Desperate times call for desperate measures. On the brink of a contemporary Depression, homeowners are stunned to find themselves facing financial ruin or foreclosure. They are looking for a quick fix and one strange fruit borne from this economic crisis is a…
Washington, D.C. — In a move that political pundits have been calling for for weeks, Presidential candidate and Arizona darling John McCain has replaced Sarah Palin with a holiday pumpkin. Governer Palin has been serving as McCain’s running mate and Vice Presidential…
Washington, D.C. – The Federal Government finally seems to have caught on to some of our Main Street logic. The White House announced on Tuesday of last week that in an attempt to raise $700 billion dollars to bail out our crumbling…
It is a tried and true trick to call in sick on days when you just don’t want to deal office drudgery or can’t stand to look at your cubicle wall for another hour that week. Not any more my fellow Americans,…
Nonsense News is a collection of fake news articles. If you find the stories within to be funny, strange, crazy or just plain weird, that's because they're false, not real, and definitely not to be believed. Our headlines are made up, our quotes are misquoted, and our reports are fabricated... in short, this website is for entertainment purposes only.