Funny Lifestyle News Articles
Local Futon Finally Thrown Away
Santa Cruz, CA – After a long and active life, local man Steve Forino’s futon has finally been thrown out. Forino put the futon on curb outside his apartment at 9pm Sunday evening. The futon, a full-sized green mattress, was purchased at…
Unit Heater Heats So Many Units
Toronto, CANADA – Many, many units were heated yesterday in the small, northerly hovel known to most as Toronto. As can be imagined, in such an inhospitable, bitter climate (where hardly beast nor man dare venture), the unit heating was met with…
Partings and Lamentations: Disavowals of The Times
By Jimmy Wallenstein
Throwing up their Hands: The Arthur Hadley Wemedges
Arthur and Denise Hadley Wemedge of Harrison, NY and Key Montreux, FL officially sundered their union this afternoon in the clubhouse of Winged Hoof, the nation’s most…
Extreme Matchmaking in the Digital Age
New Chumpkwah, KT – If you were born before 1970, then chances are you remember a time when dating meant meeting someone at a bar or coffee shop, getting their phone number, calling them and arranging a specific time and place to…
Local Man Still Pissed About Dumb Crap That Happened Over 10 Years Ago
Chicago, IL – As the Christmas season approaches, local man Chuck Tinnert, 28, has begun to attend holiday parties thrown and attended by old friends. He has started to see, as he does every year, old high school buddies with whom he…
5 Ways to ‘Go Green’ for the Holidays
Los Angeles, CA – The official announcement that America is in a recession came right on the heels of Black Friday, the biggest shopping day of the season. (Incidentally it is called Black Friday because black is the only color dark…
Read the Full StoryThemed Bike Ride Leaves Dozens Injured
Los Angeles, CA — The queen of freeways, highways and polluted airways has long been that city of Angels, Los Angeles. LA is the birthplace of car culture and the place where it still reigns supreme. Recently though our smog-choked beauty has…
Local Woman: You Don’t Have to be a Good Singer to Enjoy Karaoke
Stockton, CA — Local woman Melanie Jones had been standing on the corner of Smith and Main in downtown Stockton for three days now, barely breaking to eat, sleep and relieve herself. “I feel very strongly about this,” proclaims Jones, as if…
Local Woman Learns of Divorce Via Twitter
Los Angeles, CA — Marlene Derek is visibly shocked. She sips her Starbucks while half-heartedly checking her blackberry. Derek was happily married for two years when her husband, Michael Derek dropped the bombshell that he wanted a divorce, sending shrapnel into Marlene’s…
Local Man’s Total Gym Gathering Dust
Orange, CA — Local man Evan Wildes became the proud owner of a total gym three months ago. Wildes saw the 400-pound “all-in-one fitness center” on a late night infomercial and immediately called to order. Gymtrex 3000 functions as a treadmill, bench…
Read the Full Story
Sacramento, CA – Say what you will, Sir Mick is at the top of his game and the 65-year-old rock icon proved it yesterday by shoving 43 extra-puff marshmallows into his mouth at once: more than any other human on the planet.…