Unit Heater Heats So Many Units

Toronto, CANADA – Many, many units were heated yesterday in the small, northerly hovel known to most as Toronto. As can be imagined, in such an inhospitable, bitter climate (where hardly beast nor man dare venture), the unit heating was met with much rejoicing. A city-wide holiday was created to memorialize the event and the amazing circumstances surrounding such a successful, efficient and thorough mass unit-heating session. Adding to the excitement is the fact that the miraculous heating of units is rumored to have been achieved by only one unit heater.

Exactly how many units were heated is unknown, although experts predict that as many as 250-300 units were heated.

Just how one unit heater could have single-handedly heated so many consecutive units is a mystery to most. But not to George Goolart, who professed to having seen the same thing happen once before.

“Sure, I’ve seen this kind of unit heating before. Sometimes it just gets so that a whole lot of units need heating all at once and you’ll just get tons of units heating up,” said Mr. Goolart, continuing to remind us that, [he's] seen all kinds of unit heating over the years.”

While Mr. Goolart’s input was entirely useless, he did touch on one aspect of the miraculous unit-heating that has had an effect on most people in the small wintry community: the immense relief brought about thanks to such an extensive and exhaustive unit-heating.

“It’s about time some units got heated around here,” said Sean Toddy, an expert on unit heating. “I mean, I can definitely think of at least one unit that was in need of heating really bad for way too long.”

As of press time, it is widely believed Mr. Toddy was referring to his own unit.

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