No Place for Chuck Norris in Obama White House

Washington, D.C. – In  the wake of a historic presidential election, many do not know what to do with their surplus of political energy. These past months (and for some, even years), have cultivated a large caring-about-politics that was previously just an empty void. Many, pre-Obama, filled this void with entertainment news and Japanese number puzzles. But all the Sudoku books in the world couldn’t compete with the sheer energy and magnetism of the 2008 presidential campaign. So our celebrity blogs went unread as we anxiously refreshed CNN.com every ten minutes. We became conditioned to care about something we previously only had vast reservoirs of apathy for, but now – like waiting weeks for that zit to surface enough to pop – we are left with only time and a weird scab.

To fill the gaping wound created by our newly found political interest now that the election has come and gone, we must turn to something similar but much less exciting. The American public has spoken and the methadone to our heroin shall be: relentless speculation as to who Obama will appoint, pick and deem to be our cabinet members, committee chairs and superior alien overlords. It is actually JUST LIKE that episode of West Wing where they show where everybody was when they were asked to join Bartlett’s staff. Remember how CJ fell into her pool? Good times.

Unfortunately, we are still months away from an Obama white house and little is certain as to who will comprise this federal dream team. What we do know however is who will not be asked to serve at the pleasure of the 44th President of these United States. The man who took the roundhouse kick off the streets and into our living rooms, the legendary actor/sportsman/hot air balloon pilot: Chuck Norris.

At the premiere of Madagascar 2: Escape to Whateverwhocares on Friday night, Norris leaked to VH7’s VJ Kinney McTranny that he was promised a spot in McCain’s cabinet. “Nothing was set in stone, mind you, but the phrase ‘Secretary of Defense’ was being kicked around,” said Norris. Norris went on to express disappointment at McCain’s loss and trepidation of an Obama presidency. “I will run in 2010 if I have to!” Norris yelled into a camera at one point during the interview.

Norris is one of many celebrities who has of late found themselves getting involved in political matters. While wildly popular amongst Hollywood elites, the citizens of Main Street, USA seem to prefer their celebs to stick to the gossip pages. All this was inferred by watching Norris’ ratings dip on Pollster.com. And so Norris will remain, as wed prefer he did, safely within our television sets, far, far from having real politcal power. Can you imagine what would happen if we actually gave an action hero poltical power? For some, this dream might have already become an all-too-real nightmare (I’m looking at you, California) but for our nation at large, it is not too late to hope. Hope that Norris stays the hell away from Washington, D.C.

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