Today is Saturday, January 28, 2012
After weeks of diligently beating back unsubstantiated rumors of government run “death panels” which would dictate the fates of the elderly, President Barack Obama today signaled that he is now open to the idea.
Speaking to an AP reporter after a particularly…
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Explaining that “our currency has become deflated and inconstant,” Treasury Secretary Timothy Geithner shocked political observers today by asking congress to make World of Warcraft gold into legal currency.
“World of Warcraft has an economy that is strong and trustworthy, and attaching…
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The Food and Drug Administration yesterday put a hold and general recall on Red Bull energy drink amid evidence that Red Bull has been linked to several birth defects – principally resulting in the emergence of wing-like growths on the backs of…
Wasilla, AK – Political observers were briefly surprised on Sunday when Alaska Governor Sarah Palin checked herself into a rehabilitation clinic for an undisclosed number of narcotics in Wasilla, Alaska.
“This is shocking, completely shocking,” began CNN contributor Melinda Torres. “Well, actually,…
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Honolulu, HI – At a recent screening of 90′s classic Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, University of Hawaii sophomore Natalie Umbilika, having just declared herself a zoology major, offered up her new-found expertise to some of her new-found college friends.
The movie is…
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Santa Cruz, CA – After a long and active life, local man Steve Forino’s futon has finally been thrown out. Forino put the futon on curb outside his apartment at 9pm Sunday evening. The futon, a full-sized green mattress, was purchased at…
The public argument over who runs the Republican party took a bizarre turn yesterday as Rush Limbaugh demanded on his radio show that “true conservatives show their fealty and give me a sacrifice worthy of my greatness.”
Limbaugh has been the center…
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Maria Stefanopolis, an upcoming star in professional tennis, has enough endorsement deals to spell success in any genre. The blonde haired, blue eyed athlete has secured deals with many athletic wear lines, as well as perfumes, evening wear, and lingerie, and is…
Toronto, CANADA – Many, many units were heated yesterday in the small, northerly hovel known to most as Toronto. As can be imagined, in such an inhospitable, bitter climate (where hardly beast nor man dare venture), the unit heating was met with…
Aides to President Barack Obama have been complaining this past of week of the President’s behavior during meetings. Speaking on condition of anonymity, several high-level staffers have said that the President has seemed distracted since being granted his super-secure blackberry device…
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Philadelphia, PA – Ever since its first mass distribution by Macy’s in 1952, Scrabble (named for a word which means “to scratch frantically”) has been a source of mystery for the millions who play it repeatedly despite the fact that they…
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